So I've just finished my first 7musicalmuses! You can find my updated board here
Title: Love said no
Pairing: Harry/Hermione
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Mentions of suicidal attempt.
Words: 1989
Summary: Hermione in sorrow, sweet Ron and a lot of crying
Notes: This is a Christmas gift for magickira as an answer to the Secret Santa challenge at hogwartsharmony. H/Hr is not my normal fave pairing, but magickira likes them so I had to write them to her :) There may come sequel to weigh up for all the angst in this one...

Kill me
I cried and love said no

Hermione was sitting in the window sill, looking out on the pouring rain. It matched her mood. She smiled, a bitter smile. She thought about something her mother had once told her.

“Everything can be changed. If you do something stupid, there are always ways to make it better.”

But there are some things you cannot change. Even if you don’t believe in fate or destiny, there are just some things you can’t take back. When they are out there they have become part of your destiny and all you can rely on is that someone else makes the right choice. She regretted what she had said. She wished she could take it back. But sometimes it just was to late. Their friendship would never be the same again, no matter what they did. He would try to cover it up, but Hermione new, she just new that this was wrong. How could she say this to him? How could she? She should never told him. She knew that he didn’t love her. He loved Ginny and he would do it no matter how much she tried. She was so stupid. She banged her fist in the windowsill and lent her head back against the wall. She closed her eyes to keep the tears away.

Kill me
I begged and love said no

How could this hurt so much? It had hurt when she saw Harry with her, but she had thought that it would help to tell him. That some of the weight would be lifted of her shoulders. But it had been ten times worse to know that he didn’t love her. She had known it, but her brain hadn’t allowed her to believe in it. Some things aren’t meant to be. Some things are just meant to be stamped on and left to die. She wished she was dead. She felt the tears run down her face. She should have kept her mouth shut. If she hadn’t said anything, she wouldn’t have ruined what they already got. Now she had less than when she said it. She hadn’t really thought past the point of telling him. Only some fantasies of how he would say that he loved her and that they would be together forever. She had never thought about how it would become afterwards. It had been so embarrassing. He had looked at her and his eyes had been full of strange feelings. Most of it pity. She really didn’t want pity. He had told her that he loved her, but only as a friend. Nothing more. It had been awful. She had just wanted to flee. She couldn’t handle this. But instead she had smiled to him and said. “It’s okay.” It’s okay? What a stupid thing to say. It’s okay, was something you said if someone accidentally bumped into you in the hallway. Not to someone who just rejected your love.

Leave me
for dead and let me go

She sighted and got up from the windowsill. She wanted some hot tea to calm herself down. The worst part was that she wasn’t really angry at Harry. Or at Ginny. It wasn’t their fault. She was most angry at herself. She should have known better. It was frustrating not to have anyone to be mad at. She needed that. She needed some way to get her anger out. Right now she was only beating herself up inside. While she waited for the water to boil, she heard a knock on the door. Who could it be? At this time. She stayed at her parents house now and there was no one that new she was there. She made her way to the door while she took out her wand. It could be Death Eathers. But why would they knock? A part of her brain asked. But it was dangerous times and she couldn’t be to careful.

“Hi, Hermione. It’s me!”

She breathed out in relief. It was Ron. She opened the door and let him in. The aurors had blocked all apperation in and around her parents house. She liked the extra security that gave, but she could see at Ron’s wet form that he was less than pleased with the fact that he had to go trough the rain to get to her. He had a concerned look in his face. He knew. Hermione was aware that her face had signs of crying.

“Hi, how are you?” He said in a concerned voice.

“Okay, I guess.” Said Hermione, but she didn’t feel that way. Why was she saying okay again? Why did she have to use that word when she absolutely didn't feel 'okay'. Why was he here? She accepted a hug from him and motioned for him to come inside. She didn’t trust her own voice at all right now. He followed her into the kitchen.

“I... I have some tea ready, do you want some?” She turned to the sink and started to pour some to herself.

“Thank you.” Ron sat down at the table and Hermione sat the cup down in front of him. She made herself a new cup and sat down opposite of him.

“Why are you here Ron? You know that we will see each other on Bill and Fleur’s wedding on Friday.”

“Yes, I know. I just wanted to see you.” He sent her a lopsided grin.

“But why? Why now?” Hermeione looked at him.

He pulled up his shoulders and looked at her with big innocent eyes. “I just missed you so much.”

“Yeah, right.”

“It’s true!”

Hermione sat quiet for a while. “You know.” She said in a matter-of-fact voice.

Ron sighted “Yes I do.” Hermione looked away. She had tears in her eyes.

“Hermi...” Ron’s voice was full of sympathy, but Hermione didn’t let him finish.

“Shut up Ron! I don’t need you pity. I didn’t even ask for your pity. I didn’t ask for you to come here!” Her voice was hysterical and she knew she was blaming Ron for things that he couldn’t do anything about, but she didn’t care. It was so much better to be mad than to cry. And she new she would cry if she stopped.

“I know you don’t need pity.” Ron said in a quiet voice.

“No!” Hermione continued like she hadn’t heard him. “You just come here and expect that I will be sitting here waiting for you and your pity. Why do you presume that I want anything from you?”

“I don’t presume that. I just came anyway because we are friends and there might be a possibility that you would want someone here. There is no other than me to talk about this with and if you wanted to talk about it I wanted to be there.”

Hermione sat quiet. She seemed to have lost her ability to speak. She tried to be angry again, but she couldn’t. The anger had disappeared. She opened and closed her mouth some times. Then she whispered.

“I don’t know what to do, Ron.” She felt tears running down her face and before she knew it Ron was at her side holding her steadily as she shock with the forces of her tears. He patted her head the hole time.When her tears had started to calm he took her face in his arms and stared into her eyes.

“It’s going to be alright.”

“How do you know that?” She looked back at him and he wiped her tears from her face with his thumbs.

“I just know. Trust me, it may seem dark now, buy in the end you will see that there is things bigger than this. Things more important than this, this war, our mission, your friendship to Harry.” She got some more tears in her eyes when he said his name. “But I know that today are dark.” She hid her head on his chest and he stroke her hair. They sat in silence for a while and Ron nearly thought Hermione had fallen asleep. Then she stirred and looked up at him. She smiled, a sad smile trough tears, but still a smile.

“Thank you, Ron.” She said softly. “I was wrong, I needed you, I needed a friend.”

“I know.” He hugged her before he lifted himself off the floor. He looked down on her. “Do you want me to stay?” Hermione thought about it a little.

“No, I think I will take a nice hot bath and relax a little by myself.”

“Okay.” She followed him out. “Thank you, Ron. You are a true friend.”

“Oh, well. I try.” She could see that he was embarrassed. “Don’t tell anyone. It might ruin my reputation.” He blinked.

“Right.” She stood on her toes and gave him a kiss on his cheek. “I’ll see you on Friday.”

“Yeah.” He turned to leave, but then he turned towards her again. “Just tell me if you need me.”

“I will.”

“Goodbye.” Hermione watched him disappear in the rain. She sighted. Ron was a good friend, she was so glad that she had him. She locked the door before she went into the bathroom. A long, warm bath was what she needed now. It would help calm her nerves and maybe get her so sleepy that she actually could manage to sleep.

Kill me
I cried and love said no

As she lay in the warm bath she tried to let everything go out in the water. Every worry and thought. She tried to not think of anything. To empty her head. But it was so hard. She had so many thoughts in her head and they was so hard to get rid of. She felt tears start to run down her face again. Why did this have to be such a great deal? Like Ron had said this was nothing compared to the war. This was her personal troubles, but right now they seemed so big. They was just to big. She slid her head also under the water to clear her face for tears and in one split second she wanted to stay under the water. She wanted to stay and feel her lungs get filled with water, then it would be over and she never had to face him again. But then the moment was gone and she sat fast up in the bath. She breathed heavy and she was shocked that she had thought about it at all. She blinked a few times and stood up. No one was worth that and as she took on a bathrobe she promised herself that she was done grieving. If being sad over something like this could bring her to the point that she wanted to take her own life, then it was enough. She took a towel around her wet hair and went into the living room. She wanted to read a good book. She wanted to forget about Harry for now and drown herself in one of the books in her fathers bookshelf. She was glad that her parents wasn’t here now. She couldn’t bear the thought of them seeing her like this. She sat down in the couch and soon her mind was filled with images from a world long from the one she lived in. She was so into the book that she didn’t hear the knock on the door. It was first when the knocking was repeated a little louder she rose to answer it. Who was it now? Had Ron forgotten something? Could it be a treat? She took her wand in her hand and moved out in the entrance. She opened the door careful with the wand pointed out trough it. But the person outside wasn’t a Death Eather. It wasn’t Ron either. It was Harry.

“Hermione.” He said and his voice was soft and full of promise.

The End